It’s Time to take the “L”

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I’ve always been told that giving up is not an option. I mean, quitters never win and winners never quit, right? So, you press and push your way in hopes of gaining ground. The resistance is overwhelming, but you don’t give up. Frustrated beyond measure, but you don’t give in. There’s a voice in your head saying, “Don’t let go, hold on with all you’ve got.” Everything in you is saying, “It’s time to let go.” Fear keeps you holding on.

Fear that if you let go, all of your struggles would have been for nothing. The anxiety that if you let go, your downfall is imminent. Pressure to remain in the fight. Believing that in this battle to the victor goes the spoils.

The word loss has such a devastatingly negative undertone. We immediately think of something that is destroyed, defeated or dead – something that you can never get back, and never get over. Loss brings to mind pain, shame, and suffering.

We say that we lose loved ones. But, they are not lost. They are in our hearts and in our memories. We may not be able to call them on the phone, but we can still talk. We may not be able to go to the movies or shopping as we once did, but we can still hang out in the corridors of my thoughts. Replaying our moments of laughter and love can help ease the void left bereave by their physical presence. But, they are not lost.

Our favorite sports team may lose a game. Fans become disappointed and depending on the final score; could feel downright ashamed. We may lose our most prized pair of earrings or that perfect shade of pink blouse to match that new pair of shoes. We lose friends that we thought were down like 4 flat tires. We lose jobs that seemed to lead to promising careers. Loss brings about feelings of empty disillusionment.

The effects of loss are powerful. But, what if I told you that sometimes loss is a good thing? There comes a time in our lives when we must take the “L”.

In Hebrews Chapter 1, the Bible tells us to set aside everything and anything that is holding us back. What if the force that’s holding me back is me?  What if my forward progress is hindered by my own inability to let go? What if my fear of giving up is keeping me from my own destiny? Purpose is found in loss.

In order to walk the walk of a pastor’s wife in our own unique calling, we must lose some things that we hold on to like a lifeline. Lose the distress of not living up to someone else’s expectation. Lose the unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves.  Lose the soft skin that can easily be penetrated by cruel words. Lose the need to be a people pleaser. Everyone is just simply not going to be in your corner. Lose the archaic idea of the traditional role of a pastor’s wife. There is no set of step-by-step instructions. Actually, that’s a good thing. It’s one less item you will have to discard. Your walk is unique. Your grace is matchless. Your anointing is unparalleled.

Take the “L”. Lose yourself. Lose your old way of thinking. Allow the mind that is in Christ Jesus to be in you. Lose your own will. Allow His will to become your desire for your life. Since, He already knows the plans that He has for you, just go with His flow.

Go ahead and just quit! I mean just lose why don’t cha!

Stop resisting the changes that God wants to make in your life. Let go of the past that hurt. Let go of the mistakes that set you back. Let go of the fear that keeps you paralyzed. Let go of the confusion that keeps you in a perpetual state of chaos. Let go of the systems that keep cycling back to depression and anxiety.

Take the “L”. Unleash that unused potential that is going to propel you toward your purpose. You can no longer remain the same. New thoughts. New dreams. New faith. New hope.

Fantasia Barrino-Taylor, season 3 winner of American Idol, sings a song that states; sometimes you gotta lose to win. There’s something to be said about losing. Losing weight is beneficial for our physical body. It’s made easier when we change our way of thinking about food, and exercise. We make a lifestyle change that brings great reward.

Imagine losing the guilt and shame of past indiscretions. Envision letting go painful memories. Explore the possibility of embracing your own uniqueness that sets you free to soar outside the limits of fear. Peace, joy, and purpose are some of the rewards given to the biggest loser

It’s time to be a quitter. It’s time to let go. It’s time to take the “L” so that you can walk in victory!





Never Apologize For Purpose

“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:10

The creator of all did so with purpose in mind. Purpose is the reason why something is done, created or exists. Everything in heaven and earth has a purpose. Purpose happens because it’s necessary. It is intentional. It’s what gives life meaning.  Purpose is expected to produce. It’s relevant and valuable. Purpose is designed to reach destiny. Purpose is for His glory.

People spend an exorbitant amount of time trying to figure out why they are here. We attend conferences, seminars, and even seek out life coaches to try and discover our purpose. Many of us, cry out to God for the answer to the purpose questions. For some,

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it takes a while to hear and answer that voice that tells us the direction we should be headed. Others catch on a little quicker.

Make no mistake about it, we all have something that we are supposed to accomplish for God before we leave this earth. Since God knows the plans that He has for me, wouldn’t that mean there is a purpose for my life?

It grieves my spirit when individuals devalue someone else’s purpose; as if my purpose requires your validation.


They’ll say, “That’s really nice what you are doing, but…”

Excuse me, but my purpose is substantiated, authenticated, and validated by God!

Don’t allow anyone to diminish the call on your life. The world needs more people to stand up and walk in their purpose. When stepping out on faith and doing what God has commissioned you to do, it may be uncomfortable, challenging, and downright scary. People may not understand it, but keep moving forward. Your ministry is necessary. Its God ordained and God approved.

He encouraged Jeremiah in Chapter 1, don’t be afraid of a soul, because He is right there looking out for you. Just as God commissioned Jeremiah to the office of a prophet, He has commissioned you for a great work for His glory. Victory is imminent, and your reward shall be great.

Our purposes don’t compete with one another for the credit in the spotlight. They complement each other for kingdom fulfillment.

Gift’s come without repentance, but purpose comes with expected outcomes. Are you doing what God has called you to do? Or, are you diminishing your light to appease the people? Never apologize for purpose. It was planned to produce destiny.


Help Meet or Checkmate?

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“God didn’t call me to be the pastor. He called my husband!”

“I ain’t got to be bothered with those people!”

“If they don’t like me, then oh well!”

How many times have I heard those words? How many times did I say them myself? Oh, how wrong we are! As pastor’s wives, we are not just partners in marriage; we are partners in ministry. That partnership is not defined by the people, but by you and your spouse. God has uniquely and divinely paired the two of you together. Your gifts and purpose should complement the ministry vision that God has given to your husband. Vision is ever evolving and unfolding. We must catch the vision so that we can help it come to pass.

And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Genesis 2:18

God designed us to helpers not hindrances. Our attitudes, actions, and apathy can interfere with what God is trying to do through our husbands in ministry. When we operate in arrogance, pride, and selfish-ambition; we open the door for the enemy to walk right in and wreak havoc. The devil thrives in division. While we are walking around defending our offense, we are creating unnecessary pressure on our husband’s ministry. How?

Any husband that is worth his weight in manhood is by nature a protector. So, he will feel the need to defend his wife that is acting out of character of the Spirit of God. We have the power to influence the atmosphere of our ministries. As Leading Ladies, we should lead by example. Snooty and unapproachable or gracious and warmhearted, the choice is ours. Our lives are in the limelight. For some it is in the spotlight, especially if you are co-pastoring. Put your best self forward.

My husband has tried on several occasions to teach me to play the game of Chess. I don’t necessarily like to play, but I indulge him because he likes it. The first thing he taught me was the rules. He told me the names of the pieces, and what direction each could move on the board. The King is the most important piece, but he is also the weakest. However, the Queen is the most powerful. She can move in any direction. The primary objective in chess is to checkmate your opponents King. This means to render Him useless. So we must keep the King safe at all times. In order to do this, we must be purposeful and strategic in our moves.

Each Chess piece has value. Our attitudes, actions, and outlook towards ministry are all important. The enemy is trying to render the ministry of God useless. Let’s not play into his hands, and deliver over our king by carelessly losing our pieces. We have the ability to make ministry matter or messy. So, let’s check ourselves, and not deliver the enemy a checkmate.




There’s A Thin Line Between Husband and Pastor

I was sitting amid a group of some of the loveliest pastor’s wives on earth as we attended a luncheon in our honor. The women seated around the table had varying lengths of experience as leading ladies in ministry and varied in age. The atmosphere was set in peaceful elegance with a linen tablecloth and napkins, chair covers and sashes, beautiful floral centerpieces, and the most magnificent crystal chandelier hanging overhead. I mean the place simply shrouded you in its sanctuary and invited you to share your innermost thoughts and concerns. It helped that you were surrounded by those who IMG_7340share a commonality in this space of life. That you are not alone feeling.

As we discussed the challenges that we face as pastor ’s wives, the conversation went in an unexpected direction. Many times, we talk about the array of roles that we play as women married to men in ministry. More specifically, men leading in ministry, but very rarely do we see their side of the spectrum. As much as we have to put up with them, they have to put up with us.

What do I mean?

There is a thin line between our husband and our pastor.

Many times we are seeking God for our purpose. We want to know how we should navigate being a pastor’s wife and not lose ourselves in the process. As we are looking for signs of confirmation, we tend to look all around our Husband Pastor. We can receive a prophecy from a prophet. We can receive a word of confirmation or instruction from other men and women of the Gospel, but sometimes it is hard to receive a word from God through our own pastor.

We tend to forget that though he is our husband, he is also our pastor. It is challenging to remember that because we see their vulnerabilities. We see those things that grate on our nerves like him leaving a trail of dirty clothes in the floor for you to pick up or leaving the toilet seat up just so you can fall in or bringing that one dirty dish to the kitchen once you have it completely clean. Even the fact that he spends so much time doing the work of the ministry that you feel unnoticed or lonely. Surely God is not speaking to him about my purpose. That is reserved for those that he pastors.

Guess what?

We must reconcile our minds to the fact that our husbands are our pastors too.

My husband really blessed me when he helped me to see my limited view. Not to say that I enjoyed hearing it. He said, that part of a pastor’s responsibility is to help parishioners’ discover their God-given purpose. Also, help them to identify their spiritual gifts. In doing so, it may feel a bit uncomfortable. It will move them outside of their comfort zones. Still, he has to nurture the gifts and lead them to fulfill their purpose. Because the bottom line is to be effective contributors to God’s Kingdom.

Easy enough. Right? I thought so too.

Then, he reminded me of all of the times that

I somewhat dismissed what he’d said as a pastor because I was looking at him through the eyes of a wife.

Ouch! That hurt.

Without even realizing it, sometimes we cannot hear God in the spirit because we are looking in the natural. We find ourselves second-guessing the validity or authenticity of what is being said. Oh, that’s my husband, he’s supposed to encourage me. Oh, he just wants to add something else to my already long list of things to do in a day.

No, ma’am!

Our divine destiny is connected to our spiritual covering. That would be our Husband Pastor. As wives, we have the submission to our husband’s part down pat. Now let’s work on the part of being submissive to our pastor. This can’t help but be a win-win relationship. We have the best of both worlds – an anointed, god-fearing Pastor and a loving caring husband.

Learn to hear God through your Husband Pastor.

Oh! About that thin line…

We should tread lightly because God just might be saying something we need to hear.

Free To Be Me

B Uniquely U is an avenue of encouragement, motivation and prayerfully, inspiration. Being the wife of a pastor is not the easiest position to hold. There is no manuscript, or step-by-step guide on how to do it right. There are, however, a lot of critics and armchair coaches that believe that they know how it should be done, even when they have never held the position.

It is okay to simply be You. Authenticity is key to living your life in the Freedom of Self. It’s harder to try and fit in than to just be the Unique U that God has called you to be. No need to waste time and energy on trying to emulate Debra Morton or Taffi Dollar. They are already doing them. So just do You.

You are right where God wants you to be. Now do what God has called you to do. Whether it’s Co-shepherding His flock, leading the women’s ministry, or merely being the positive presence in the congregation, your role is ordained and approved by God. It’s not an assignment of competition with another that holds the same title, but rather a complementing of the one that you are entitled to.

If no one has ever told you, “You are fearfully and wonderfully made…”. You are beautiful. You are gracious. You have purpose. You are exquisitely unique. And God wants you to be free to be the best version of you that you can be. Go forth and be Uniquely U with the freedom to be.