I was sitting amid a group of some of the loveliest pastor’s wives on earth as we attended a luncheon in our honor. The women seated around the table had varying lengths of experience as leading ladies in ministry and varied in age. The atmosphere was set in peaceful elegance with a linen tablecloth and napkins, chair covers and sashes, beautiful floral centerpieces, and the most magnificent crystal chandelier hanging overhead. I mean the place simply shrouded you in its sanctuary and invited you to share your innermost thoughts and concerns. It helped that you were surrounded by those who share a commonality in this space of life. That you are not alone feeling.
As we discussed the challenges that we face as pastor ’s wives, the conversation went in an unexpected direction. Many times, we talk about the array of roles that we play as women married to men in ministry. More specifically, men leading in ministry, but very rarely do we see their side of the spectrum. As much as we have to put up with them, they have to put up with us.
What do I mean?
There is a thin line between our husband and our pastor.
Many times we are seeking God for our purpose. We want to know how we should navigate being a pastor’s wife and not lose ourselves in the process. As we are looking for signs of confirmation, we tend to look all around our Husband Pastor. We can receive a prophecy from a prophet. We can receive a word of confirmation or instruction from other men and women of the Gospel, but sometimes it is hard to receive a word from God through our own pastor.
We tend to forget that though he is our husband, he is also our pastor. It is challenging to remember that because we see their vulnerabilities. We see those things that grate on our nerves like him leaving a trail of dirty clothes in the floor for you to pick up or leaving the toilet seat up just so you can fall in or bringing that one dirty dish to the kitchen once you have it completely clean. Even the fact that he spends so much time doing the work of the ministry that you feel unnoticed or lonely. Surely God is not speaking to him about my purpose. That is reserved for those that he pastors.
We must reconcile our minds to the fact that our husbands are our pastors too.
My husband really blessed me when he helped me to see my limited view. Not to say that I enjoyed hearing it. He said, that part of a pastor’s responsibility is to help parishioners’ discover their God-given purpose. Also, help them to identify their spiritual gifts. In doing so, it may feel a bit uncomfortable. It will move them outside of their comfort zones. Still, he has to nurture the gifts and lead them to fulfill their purpose. Because the bottom line is to be effective contributors to God’s Kingdom.
Easy enough. Right? I thought so too.
Then, he reminded me of all of the times that
I somewhat dismissed what he’d said as a pastor because I was looking at him through the eyes of a wife.
Ouch! That hurt.
Without even realizing it, sometimes we cannot hear God in the spirit because we are looking in the natural. We find ourselves second-guessing the validity or authenticity of what is being said. Oh, that’s my husband, he’s supposed to encourage me. Oh, he just wants to add something else to my already long list of things to do in a day.
Our divine destiny is connected to our spiritual covering. That would be our Husband Pastor. As wives, we have the submission to our husband’s part down pat. Now let’s work on the part of being submissive to our pastor. This can’t help but be a win-win relationship. We have the best of both worlds – an anointed, god-fearing Pastor and a loving caring husband.
Learn to hear God through your Husband Pastor.
Oh! About that thin line…
We should tread lightly because God just might be saying something we need to hear.